Squidfeet's Blog

Welcome! Station has a guestbook! Come say hi!

Captain's Logs

Day-to-day ramblings and grievances and philosophical things?

Something here idk

05-09-2025 (1:55AM) Headphones and healing?? your inner?? child?

When I was in 7th grade (or 6th?) I remember getting to use my dad's Bose Headphones. They weren't noise cancelling or that amazing compared to today's standards but music sounded nice and loud from them. And that's all that mattered to me then. It felt like a nice block, or wall, separating the outside world from the flow state-y feeling of just listening to music.

I used to painstakingly download music from YouTube using ytmp3 because I only had a dabba phone and its saving grace was radio I got bored of and a micro SD card slot. 64 GB felt limitless. It felt like there was an ocean I could swim in and each song downloaded was only a spoon of water.

I used to find music from the shows I liked and the scenes that felt impactful (these shows I could only really watch at my friends house because my parents didn't really believe that kids should waste their time on entertainment). Music was tied very close to film and video and imagination for me. Coming up with stories as I rode my bike listening to all my alphabetized music over and over until the order of them was seared into my brain. All with shitty earphones that I couldn't use if my mom or dad had work. It wasn't a great deal but hey at least I could listen to stuff on my sd card without any earphones, in my radio era I wouldn't be able to do that either.

When my dad bought those sexy bose headphones I was so excited because they fit so comfortably and they had Bluetooth and they were matte black and had a cool case that came with it. I couldn't wear them for long though, my parents worried about my ear health. I remember once doing some menial chore or maths or something while connecting those sexy, sexy headphones to my dumb ass dabba phone and I had a good ten-twenty minutes before my mom yanked them off saying I shouldn't turn up the music so much if I couldn't hear her yelling at me (guys I promise I have a normal-ok-definitely-fine family). After that the only way I could wear them is by having the volume super low or only have one ear on.

Sometimes I'd be tested, they'd mouth words or speak softly to see how much I could hear and then reduce my volume anyway because my ears are fragile and I don't want to go deaf at 30 right? That number seemed like an ocean then too, and any health issue that could potentially happen felt like the horizon. Too big, too far away.

I'd always tell myself, that when I finally turn 18, I'll be able to do whatever I want, I'll get a smartphone connect it to my sexy headphones and finally listen to whatever I want, how ever loud I want.

Well, I'm 21, with no parents nearby to yell at or test me and a smartphone and access to whatever song I want. I have better quality earphones now as well, and the songs I swore to revisit and keep listening to forever are still there on my sd card. I just don't care anymore about it. And ain't that sad.

Post script: Yee idk abt this one, just feel like I'm not making my 12 yr old self proud by listening to 5SOS anymore lmao

01-09-2025 (1:23PM) Second post??

I'm surprised myself that I didn't give up! I gotta keep the momentum going though, can't run out of steam so soon. Everyday I edit this I get frustrated that I'm not able to execute my ~vision~ but I know these things take time. What's also kind of a downer is that I want to show my parents this sooooo bad but unfortunately they'll only yell at me for wasting time -_- . It's ok though I may be copying peoples codes and not doing any of my own but I've heard learning through that is the bst way to actually be learning. All my CS friends are rooting for me and a bunch of other friends too so I gotta keep up the hustle! It is intimidating though. It's been a pretty huge endeavor and I feel like this would get me out of the shitty social media loop of poop but I don't think so :/ . I've been watching a lot of videos on why the internet sucks now and how we need to revert back to monke or whatever but I know that it's easier not to detox and just stay in the pile of shit and keep feeling shitty. I dunno, hopefully I can escape the poop loop and embrace the old internet with it's neon, creative madness and never look back. Fingers crossed!

19-08-2025 (4:28AM) Whining/Rant

I literally have no reason to be up so late but I can't sleep because I really want to format this as quickly as possible. All I need is a good day to finish this and I'll die happy. Stupid lastfm API isn't working and I'm at my wit's end. I think I should leave the tough stuff for now and just focus on the basics. AARGJFHSDJKHF why is this so harddddd. Retro vibes are cool until you have to work for em, smh. It's satisfying to put in all this effort and see that I've made something, but only after a mountain of pain.